Islam is a beautiful religion, full of wisdom and harmony. If this wonderful religion is followed properly then a typical Muslim would only be a great example to follow. The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "The most perfect believer in faith is the one who is best in moral character..."  [At-Tirmithi]

Spreading kindness at home:

'Aa'ishah may Allaah be pleased with her said: "The Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: '"When Allaah, The Almighty,Wills some good towards the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them.'" [Ahmad]

According to another report: "When Allaah loves the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them." [Ibn Abu Ad-Dunyaa] In other words, they start to be kind to one another.

This is one of the means of attaining happiness at home, for kindness is very beneficial between the spouses, and with the children, and it brings results that cannot be achieved through harshness, as the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "Allaah loves kindness and rewards for it in such a way that He does not reward for harshness or for anything else." [Muslim]

Helping the wife with the housework:

Many men think that housework is beneath them, and some of them think that it will undermine their status and position if they help their wives with this work. The Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) however, used to "sew his own clothes, mend his own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes." [Ahmad]

This is how 'Aa'ishah may Allaah be pleased with her responded when she was asked about what the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) used to do in his house; she described what she herself had seen. According to another report, she said: "He was like any other human being; he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe and serve himself." [Ahmad]

She may Allaah be pleased with her was also asked about what the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) used to do in his house, and she said, "He used to serve his family, then when the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray." [Al-Bukhaari]

If we Muslim men were to do likewise nowadays, we would achieve three things:

1.      We would be following the example of the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ).

2.      We would be helping our wives.

3.      We would feel more humble and down to earth.

These narrations should act as a reminder to those men, who demand food instantly from their wives, when the pot is on the stove and the baby is screaming to be fed; they do not pick up the child or wait a little while for the food.

Being affectionate towards and joking with the members of the family:

Showing affection towards one's wife and children is one of the things that lead to creating an atmosphere of happiness and friendliness in the home. Thus the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) advised Jaabir may Allaah be pleased with him to marry a virgin, saying,

"Why did you not marry a virgin, so you could play with her and she could play with you, and you could make her laugh and she could make you laugh?" [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) also said: "Everything in which Allaah's name is not mentioned is idleness and play, except for four things: a man playing with his wife..." [An-Nasaa'ee]

The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) used to treat his wife 'Aa'ishah may Allaah be pleased with her affectionately when performing Ghusl (ritual bath) with her, as she may Allaah be pleased with him said: "The Messenger of Allaah and I used to perform Ghusl together from one vessel, and he would playfully pretend to take all the water so that I would say, 'Leave some for me, leave some for me.'" [Muslim]

The ways in which the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) showed affection towards young children are too famous to need mentioning. He often used to show his affection towards his grandchildren Hasan and Husayn. This is probably one of the reasons why the children used to rejoice when he came back from traveling; they would rush to welcome him, as reported in the following authentic narration: "Whenever he came back from a journey, the children of his household would be taken out to meet him." He sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) used to hug them close to him, as 'Abdullaah Ibn Ja'far may Allaah be pleased with him said: "Whenever the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) came back from a journey, we would be taken out to meet him (to the boundaries of Al-Madeenah). One day we met him, Hasan, Husayn and I. He carried one of us in front of him (on his animal), and another on his back, until we entered Al-Madeenah." [Muslim]

Compare this with the situation in some miserable homes where there is no joking or playing, affection or mercy among its members. Whoever thinks that kissing his children goes against the dignity of fatherhood should read the following narration reported from Abu Hurayrah may Allaah be pleased with him who said:

"The Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) kissed Al-Hasan Ibn 'Ali, and Al-Aqra' Ibn Haabis At-Tameemi was sitting with him. Al-Aqra' said: 'I have ten children and I have never kissed any one of them.' The Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) looked at him and said: 'The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.'" [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

Source: www.islamweb.net

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "Anyone who takes an oath through which his family may be harmed, and insists on keeping it, he surely commits a sin greater (than that of dissolving his oath). He should rather compensate for that oath by making expiation." (Bukhari, 6207)

Taken From "40 Recommendations for the Muslim Home"

by Sheikh Muhammad Al-Munajjid

All praise be to Allaah, we praise Him and seek His help and forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allaah from the evil of our own selves and from our evil deeds. Whomsoever Allaah guides, no one can lead astray, and whomsoever Allaah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah Alone, with no partner or associate, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

The home is a blessing.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And Allaah has made for you in your homes an abode…" [al-Nahl 16:80]

Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: "Here Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, is mentioning His complete blessing to His slaves: He has given them homes which are a peaceful abode for them, to which they retreat as a haven which covers them and gives them all kinds of benefits."

What does the home represent to each one of us? Isn't it not the place where one eats, rests, and enjoys the company of his family members? If we think about those who are homeless, or living in shelters, or as refuges scattered in temporary places, then we will realize the blessings of our home.

There are many motives for the believer to put their homes in order:

1. Protecting oneself and the family from the fire of Hell, and keeping them safe from the Allah's punishment.

2. The great responsibility borne by the head of the household on the day of judgment.

3. The home is a safe haven to protect us from evils and keep one's own evils from people, it is a refuge prescribed by Islam at times of fitnah (tribulation).

4. The home shares a big part of the human life, and therefore maintaining a healthy home provides a good environment to spend the time in the worship of Allah, and refraining from wrongdoing.

5. The home is an essential part of building the strong blocks for the Muslim society. Following are tips to help you revive and strengthen your Muslim home:

Make Your Home a Place For the Remembrance of Allah

Revive your homes with all kinds of Dhikr. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "The likeness of a house in which Allah is remembered and the house in which Allah is not remembered is that of the living and the dead, respectively."

We must make our homes places where Allah is remembered in all kinds of ways, whether in our hearts, verbally, during prayer, by reading Quran, by discussing Islamic issues, or by reading different kinds of Islamic books.

Help Your Family Increase Their Faith

Encourage your house members to pray, fast, give charity as means of increasing faith. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "May Allah have mercy on a man who gets up at night and prays, then he wakes up his wife to pray, and if she refuses he throws water in her face." (Ahmad and Abu Dawud)

Have a box at home for donations to the poor and needy: whatever is put in the box belongs to them, because it is their vessel in the Muslim home.

If the family members see an example among them fasting on al-Ayyam al-Bid (the 13th, 14th and 15th of each Hijri month), Mondays and Thursdays, Tasu'a' and 'Ashura' (the 9th and 10th of Muharram), 'Arafah, and frequently in Muharram and Sha'ban, this will be a motive for them to do likewise.

Learn Supplications Related to Home

The messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "When any one of you enters his home and mentions the Name of Allah when he enters and when he eats, the Shaytan says: 'You have no place to stay and nothing to eat here.' If he enters and does not mention the name of Allah when he enters, [the Shaytan] says, 'You have a place to stay.' If he does not mention the name of Allah when he eats, [the Shaytan says], 'You have a place to stay and something to eat.'".(Ahmad)

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) also said: "If a man goes out of his house and says, 'Bismillah, Tawakkaltu 'Ala Allah, La Hawla Wa La Quwwata Illa Billah (In the name of Allah, I put my trust in Allah, there is no help and no strength except in Allah),' it will be said to him, 'This will take care of you, you are guided, you have what you need and you are protected.' The Shaytan will stay away from him, and another Shaytan will say to him, 'What can you do with a man who is guided, provided for and protected?'" (Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi)

'A'ishah said: "When the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) entered his house, the first thing he would do was use Siwak." (Muslim)

Continuously Recite Surah Al-Baqarah to Ward Off Shaytan

Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "Do not make your houses into graves. The Shaytan flees from a house in which Surat al- Baqarah is recited." (Muslim)

Concerning the virtues of the last two Ayat of this Surah, and the effect of reciting them in one's house, he (peace be upon him) said: "Allah wrote a document two thousand years before He created the heavens and the earth, which is kept near the Throne, and He revealed two Ayat of it with which He concluded Surat al-Baqarah. If they are recited in a house for three consecutive nights, the Shaytan will not approach it." (Ahmad)

Teach Your Family

Allah says: "O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones..."

Allocate some time for the family, and even for others such as relatives, to hold a study-circle at home and encourage them to come regularly, so that it will be an ongoing commitment for you and them.

Build Your Islamic Library

It does not have to be extensive; what matters is choosing good books, putting them in a place where they are readily accessible, and encouraging family members to read them.

Include books of varying levels, so that old and young, men and women can all use them.

Also have books for giving to guests, children's friends and family visitors, but try to get books that are attractively presented, edited properly and with the sources and classification of the Hadiths properly given.

One way in which you can help family members find a book when they want it is to organize the books according to subject, Tafsir, Hadith, Fiqh ..etc.

One of the family members could also compile alphabetical or subject indexes of the library, to make it easier to look for books. Consult and seek advice from those who have experience in the field of books.

Whomever Allah wishes good for, He helps him to understand His religion.

Have a Home Audio Library

Having a cassette player in every home may be used for good or for evil. How can we use it in a manner that is pleasing to Allah? Having a home audio library containing good Islamic tapes by scholars who are striving to raise the awareness of the Ummah, establish proof and denounce evil is very important for establishing individual personalities in the Muslim home.

Listening to Quran recitation will have a great impact on family members, whether by reflecting on the meaning, or help memorizing it. We often find that tapes for children have a great influence on them. Have them listen to a young Quran reciter, or Du'as recited at various times of day and night, or Islamic manners, or Nashids (with no instrumental accompaniment)with a useful message, and so on.

Distribute good tapes by giving or lending them to others after listening to them.

Invite Righteous People and Seekers of Knowledge to Visit Your Home

"My Lord! Forgive me, and my parents, and him who enters my home as a believer, and all the believing men and women...". [Nuh 71:28]

If people of faith enter your home, it will increase in light (Nur), and will bring many benefits because of your conversations and discussion with them.

The bearer of musk will either give you some, or you will buy from him, or you will find that he has a pleasant scent.

When children, brothers and parents sit with such visitors, and women listen from behind a curtain or screen to what is said, this offers an educational experience to all.

If you bring good people into your home, by doing so you keep bad people from coming in a wreaking havoc.

Avoid Showing Family Conflicts In Front of Others

It is rare for people to live together under one roof without any arguments, but reconciliation is better and correcting oneself is a virtue.

What shakes the unity of the family and harms its infrastructure is when conflicts are brought out into the open before the members of the family, who then split into two or more opposing camps, not to mention the psychological harm that is done to children, especially little ones.

Think about a home where the father says to the child, "Do not speak to your mother," and the mother says to him, "Do not speak to your father."

The child is confused and filled with turmoil, and the entire family lives in an atmosphere of hostility. We should try to avoid conflict, but if it happens, we should try to hide it. We ask Allah to create love between our hearts.

Have a Schedule for Meals And Bedtime

There is nothing nicer than a family gathering together at the table and making the most of this opportunity to ask how everyone is and to discuss useful topics. Spread Kindness in the Home 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said: "The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: 'When Allah - may He be glorified - wills some good towards the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them.' ".

This is one of the means of attaining happiness in the home, for kindness is very beneficial between the family members, and brings results that cannot be achieved through harshness, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Allah loves kindness and rewards it in such a way that He does not reward for harshness or for anything else." (Muslim)

Be Affectionate

Showing affection towards family members is one of the things that lead to creating an atmosphere of happiness and friendliness in the home. The prophet (peace be upon him) used to show his affection towards his wives, children and everyone around.

Abu Hurairah said: "The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) kissed al-Hasan ibn 'Ali, and al-Aqra' ibn Habis At-Tamimi was sitting with him. Al-Aqra' said: 'I have ten children and I have never kissed any one of them.' The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) looked at him and said: 'The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.’”

Resist Bad Manners in The Home

Every member of the household is bound to have some bad characteristics, such as lying, backbiting, gossiping and so on. These bad characteristics have to be resisted and opposed.

'A'ishah said: "If the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) came to know that one of his household had told a lie, he would try to ignore him until he repented." (Ahmad)

Shield Your Home Against Common or Hidden Evils

Beware of non-Mahram relatives entering upon women when their husbands are absent.
Men and women should sit separately during family visits.
Beware of the dangers of having male drivers and female servants in the house.
Beware of the dangers of TV.
Beware of the evils of the telephone.
Remove everything that contains symbols of the false religions of the Kuffar or their gods and objects of worship.
Remove pictures of animate beings.
Do not allow smoking in your homes.
Do not keep dogs in your homes.
Avoid too much decoration in your homes (keep it simple).

Pay Attention to Family's Health and Safety

When any member of his family got sick, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) would blow on them and recite al-Mu'widhatayn (last two Surahs of the Quran). (Muslim)

When one of his family members got sick, he would call for soup, and it would be made for him, then he would tell them to drink it, and he would say, "It will strengthen the heart of the one who is grieving and cleanse (heal) the heart of the one who is sick just as any one of you wipes the dirt from her face." (Tirmidhi)

May Allah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

By Sadullah Khan

"Certainly, the excellence of character and being gracious to one's household is part of the completion of faith "  Prophet Muhammad

The human being as a social being has the responsibility of being most beneficial and least problematic to society. This responsibility begins in the closest circle of the community, the building block of society - the family. From there it extends to relatives, neighbors, friends and the rest of society. In this social context, let us reflect on some guidelines pertaining to individual responsibility.

Parents

The first in a series of commandments appearing in Surah al-Israa', God has decreed that you worship none but Him and be good to parents. We are instructed to reflect on the effort that parents exert to bring us into this world and to nurture us and therefore to acknowledge our appreciation we are advised to be thankful to God and your parents. Of all the bonds of relationships, the mother holds a unique position. When the Prophet was asked who has most right to our respect and companionship he said your mother, then your mother, then your mother then the rest of society. He also advised a young questioner regarding his relationship with his mother by saying paradise lies at the feet of thy mother.

Spouses

The relationship between two individuals coming together in a loving union of marriage ought to be based on love and compassion. The resulting union must provide sakinah (tranquility). The association of one with the other is described symbolically as garments unto each other; covering, embracing and protecting one another.

The marital relationship is the most intimate of relationships. This Qur'an makes reference to this close bond between the spouses in the words:

"they are like garments unto you as you are like garments unto them". (2:187)

Within the bonds of this intimacy; shared feelings, honest and open communication, genuine understanding, mutual responsibility and caring needs to flourish. The intimacy must provide a haven that offers a sense of warmth, safety, security and interdependence. After all, the relationship, according to the Qur'an (30:21), is founded on mawaddah (love and affection) and rahmah (tenderness and compassion), intended to result in sakinah (tranquility and harmony).

This togetherness is multi-dimensional, but is ineffective if it is limited only to bonding through physical closeness. How often has the problem between the spouses been the separation of the husband and wife in unshared emotions, in not being aware of the opinions of the other, of having separate entertainments.

It is not uncommon for a husband to keep his problems to himself, not consider the advice or opinion of his wife, going off to enjoy sporting events while leaving the wife at home with the kids (as if it is her duty), and refusing to help with the household chores because "it is the women's work".

Togetherness means much more than sitting at the table for dinner and sleeping in the same bed. There must exist ...

1. an emotional togetherness that emanates from being attuned to each other's feelings


2. an intellectual togetherness that allows the sharing of thoughts, ideas and opinions


3. a work togetherness where there is involvement in performing chores and everyday tasks


4. a recreational togetherness when you have fun and excitement together


5. a crisis togetherness when you can lean on each other and support one another in times of difficulty and tragedy


6. an aesthetic togetherness through which you share the beauties of the artistry of life and of living


7. a spiritual togetherness by means of which you inspire the best in one another and grow closer to the Creator

The best of blessings for the husband is to have a faithful wife who does not betray her husband either in personality or in wealth.

Following the advice of Prophet Muhammad , it is best for the husband to live with his wife in keeping with the best of standards.

The Prophet said: "Shall I inform you of the best among you? The respectful gentleman, who has good manners and honors his wife as best he can. In fact, the measure of the goodness of a man is measured by how he treats women.

Source:ICOI

Sadullah Khan is the Director of  Islamic Center of Irvine. He has presented lectures on Islamic Civilization at California State University at Dominguez Hills. He is a frequent lecturer for the Academy of Judaic, Christian and Islamic Studies at UCLA (University of California, Los Angeles). He is also an advisor to the Chancellor's Committee on Religion Ethics and Values at UCLA and serves as Director of Muslim Affairs at USC (University of Southern California).

Source: www.islamicity.com