Did you know that your friend can be your way to Paradise? So how do we choose our Good Friends ?

3 Criteria for Choosing a Good  Muslim Friend

1. If you see them; they will remind you of Allah (swt)
2. Their way of life will guide you to the path of Allah (swt)
3. Their speech will increase your Imaan

Don’t miss out to read this fantastic article, it really makes us think about the friends we have: How can a Friend be Your Way to Paradise

Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend" (Abu Dawud and At-Tirmidhi).

Share your thoughts!

Praying at home or the masjid, and then sneaking out to party at a nightclub. Wearing hijaab around family, and then turning into a fashion diva at school.One person, two worlds, and a desperate struggle to juggle them both.
 
This is the reality which many Muslim youth in the West are living in. We can call them "cultural chameleons," or describe them as having"split personalities." Whatever the label, the situation is the same… with often tragic consequences. We are not just referring to your community brother or sister's devastating death, but rather we refer to the many grievous examples of teens running away from home, getting into drugs, and much more -the worst of which is turning away totally from Islam, rejecting it completely. We are not exaggerating. It's a reality, and those who deny it are either willfully blind or pitifully naive.
 
It is time that we addressed the situation seriously. First there must be awareness of the reality and knowledge of its causes. The next step is to know what to do when faced with it directly (hint: it does NOT involve killing anyone). And finally, we need to know how to nip the problem in the bud - an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure.
 
Causes
 
Although each situation is different, there is a general list of what can cause this worst nightmare of any Muslim parent.

    * Lack of strong Islamic foundation in the home. As with most things, it begins in your own backyard. If you aren't raising your children as Muslims with a strong understanding of what it means to be a Muslim, then you can't expect them to be happy about having to follow strict rules all the time. It's also important to note the difference between Islam and culture. If you don't pray five times a day, or encourage your kids to pray, yet freak out if a female family member walks out with her head uncovered, then you really need to straighten out your priorities.

    * Double standards. Related to the first point, here we're talking about when parents are setting a double standard for themselves and their children: in public they seek to ingratiate themselves within Western society, to achieve the Western societies dream of big house, fancy car, and being best friends with the Joneses next door; yet at home they are obsessed with their children following cultural practices that aren't even necessarily Islamic. It should be no surprise, then, when the children follow in their parents' footsteps and start living a double life themselves.

    * Lack of personal understanding/ conviction of Islam. This is another major factor in youth straying from Islam. Again related to the first point - if you don't have a strong Islamic foundation in the home, then there will be most likely a lack of understanding of what exactly it means to be a Muslim. If you don't know the reason behind something, how likely are you to do something if you view it as restrictive and interfering? If you tell your children to pray because if they don't they'll burn in Hell, then trust me, they won't be doing it out of love for Allah - they'll be doing it out fear… and not even fear of Allah, but fear of you. Similarly, if you tell a girl she has to wear hijaab because otherwise she'll "stain the family's honour" or some-such rubbish like that, then once she's exposed to the Western mentality of freedom (and total lack of anything resembling honour) she won't give two hoots about the hijaab or your notions of honour. On the other hand, if your child has a personal relationship with Allah and knows exactly why we do some things and stay away from others, they will be far more willing to tough it out and continue to obey Allah.

    * General teen rebellion. Sometimes, teens can just be idiots. Common sense is a rare thing amongst youth these days, and it shows… sadly, some take it too far - beyond the streaked hair and pierced bellybutton (hey, as long as it's covered up by hijaab, be cool with it!) - and make some really bad choices. The Messenger of Allah[pbuh] said: "Youth is a kind of madness"[Hadith].Being intoxicated by the passions of youth we never ponder for a moment that we shall we questioned by Allah.

    * Insecurity. This is something which affects people everywhere, regardless of their race, religion, or even age. The desire to want to "fit in" and become an accepted member of the crowd is human nature - sometimes it can be a good thing; other times it can be so harmful and detrimental. For girls, the issue is often about body image and beauty, which is why hijaab becomes such a struggle. For guys, it can be about proving their "manliness" (by pursuing other girls, or getting involved in 'tough guy' activities like drinking alcohol, drugs etc.). Build your child's self-esteem at home and let them know that they don't need to seek approval from anyone except Allah. Compliment your children, praise them, let them be confident in their faith and in themselves. Tell your son that he's cool. Tell your daughter that she's beautiful. Don't demean them or belittle them; honour them as the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) honoured his daughter Fatimah (radhiAllahu 'anha) by giving her his sitting place.

    * Bad companions. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said: "The example of a good companion and a bad one is the bearer of musk and the worker on the bellows. A bearer of musk would give you some, you might buy some from him, or you might enjoy the fragrance of his musk. The worker on the bellows, on the other hand, might spoil your clothes with sparks from his bellows, or you get a bad smell from him." (Hadith-Al-Bukhari and Muslim).Undoubtedly, the kind of people your kids hang out with will have a huge influence on them - especially at school, which is what a teen's life pretty much revolves around. Non-Muslims (and even so-called "Muslims") who have totally different standards morality-wise will definitely make life difficult for your kid: challenging Islam and belittling all that it stands for. While we know that many will say it's a great Da'wah opportunity, or that it builds character and can be a way to strengthen emaan, the reality is that not all youth are strong enough to emerge the company of such people unscathed. Sadly, we have lost too many of the younger generations to Shaytaan's misguided lifestyle, and we can't use a minority of successful young Muslims to deny that reality. The Messenger ofAllah[obuh]informed us that: "A man follows his friends religion, you should be careful whom you make friends with."[Hadith Abu Dawud/Tirmidhi]

    * The "Adolescent" Myth. This mentality is one of "I'm young, let me have fun and then I'll be religious when I'm older!" It's an attitude of irresponsibility, immaturity, and misunderstanding of Islam and the purpose of our lives. By absolving oneself of responsibility, it's easier for teens to indulge in the haraamwithout feeling so guilty about it. Thus, it's obviously very important to instill a sense of responsibility and dutifulness to Allah in our youth - basically, to abolish this kind of mentality. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said: " An intelligent person is the one who calls himself to account and and does deeds to benefit him after death and a foolish person is he who follows his desires and hopes from Allah"[Hadith-Tirmidhi]

 Symptoms
 
How do you know if your child, your sibling, or your friend is a "cultural chameleon"? It can be difficult to spot it, but however much a kid can try to sneak around, those closest to them can usually figure out what's going on. Here are some of the symptoms of the double-life syndrome.

    * Change of attitude - Increased rebellion, aggression, and disrespect are major red flags. If they're behaving like that towards you, do you think they won't behave like that towards Allah? In fact, if they are acting like that with you, then already they're showing their defiance of Allah! Taqwa and good behaviour to parents go hand-in-hand: "And your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to your parents." (Quran-Surah al-Israa, verse 23)

    * Shows dislike of Islamic practices ("Yuck, hijaab is so old-fashioned," "What's the point of praying? It's stupid!" etc.) This is particularly obvious in a household that is generally religious, or has more than just a tentative connection to the Deen.

    * Secretive, sneaky. It's important for parents to keep an eye on their kids and know where they are and what they're doing. If you notice that your child is being secretive, sneaky, and generally deceptive about their activities, then it's a major red flag that your son or daughter isn't doing the right thing. This goes for pretty much all families, Muslim and non-Muslim alike, but for us Muslims it means more than just that your kid is with bad company or doing bad things: it means that they're losing their connection to Allah and to Islam, and this in itself is far worse than whatever sinful activities they're engaged in.

Solutions

An ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure. Educate your child from a young age, build a strong (but loving) Islamic environment within the home. Make them aware of their identity as Muslims, emphasize pride in their Muslim identity. However, we can't say that prevention is the only thing that we can do - the reality is that even children who were raised in a strong Islamic environment can be "lost" in the Dunya… and this is the reality we have to deal with, not deny.

Having said that, here are some practical solutions on dealing with such situations.

    * Do not react angrily or violently. If you find out your kid is lying to you and is leading a double life, do NOT freak out at them, scream at them, hit them, etc.
      This will :
      1) scare them,
      2) reinforce their belief that "Islam/ Muslims are evil/ violent", and
      3) not be productive in any way, shape, or form.

    * Take some time to cool off after you find out. Pray anaafilah (voluntary salaah), and make lots of dua i.e. ask Allah to grant you the patience and strength to deal with the situation.

    * Talk to them. Ask them what has led them to do the things they've done, what their state of belief is (cases differ drastically: some teens still have emaan and are just confused; others go to the point where they deny Islam completely), and how they feel about their situation in general. Try not to judge them; the key is to listen to them and know where they're coming from. This will give you information on how to best approach them when the time comes to try and "fix" things.

    * Serious counselling may be needed. If you feel as though you are unable to deal with the situation correctly yourself, contact a trustworthy, knowledgeable, and understanding

Imam,Moulana or Shaykh in your area (or use the Muslim Youth Helpline). It's best to have someone involved who not only knows the Islamic perspective of things, but can also relate to and understand your child. There must be someone whom your child can feel comfortable enough to work with/ talk to if they don't feel they can open up to you (the parents).

In this stage, there has to be a lot of give-and-take, questions-and-answers. If you already had a long talk with your child previously and asked them all those questions, then now is the time to bring forth your feelings. If you haven't had the talk, then now is the time to initiate it.

Counselling is a long and sometimes painful process, and only one step forward towards healing. One cannot expect things to change overnight, and it will be very difficult - all I can say is, trust in Allah and look to the Sunnah for help. Have emaan, taqwa, and lots of patience and forbearance. Constantly turn to Allah in du'a, especially the last third of the night. Indeed, this is something that should be done at all times… it is a means of prevention, as well as part of the path to the cure.

Allah Most Wise and Most Merciful says:

"No one despairs of solace from Allah except for those who are unbelievers"[Quran12:87]

Source: Received as an Email

The following is excerpted from the book "Islam 2.0" by Dr. Maher Hathout in which he shares a conversation with the Muslim youth.

Your life is a very precious gift from God. Count back to one year before your first birthday, and then try to imagine your state - your state of nothingness. You can not. You may be able to contain and grasp "things," not "nothing." You were born and came to life, not because you wanted to, but because you became. Through a decision by an authority higher than you, and through a process that you did not participate in, you came to occupy a place in existence.

With the dramatic event of your birth, you came to life with three huge realities.

First, you are unique. Nobody else is identical to you, not even your identical twin or, in this age of cloning, even your clone, because your psychological, spiritual and energetic content is poured into your physical being in a unique way. When God blows a spirit into each individual, it manifests in a special way. You are one of a kind.

Second, you are immortal. Your biological structure, which is the product of the substance of earth, will degrade and recycle in the biological cycle on earth, but your energy, soul and spirit will always be. If you appreciate your uniqueness and your immortality, your individual values, responsibility and accountability will emerge. God reminds us in the Qur'an that;

"[And God shall say.'] "And now, indeed, you have come unto Us in a lonely state, even as We created you in the first instance,' and you have left behind you, all that We bestowed on you [in your lifetime]. And we do not see with you those intercessors of yours whom you supposed to have a share in Gods divinity with regard to yourselves! Indeed, all the bonds between you [and your earthly life] are now severed, and all your former fancies have forsaken you!" (6:94)

"and every one of them will appear before Him on Resurrection Day in a lonely state. " (19:95)

The third reality that comes with the happy event of your birth is a cobweb of expanding circles of relationships. These are different from the countless relationships you acquire throughout your life, such as your friends, neighbors, teammates, and spouses. The first package of relationships that come with your birth day are not subject to your choice; you do not choose your parents, siblings, kin, ancestors, race, gender, place of birth or even country of origin. This category of relationships is a gift form God, you accept, appreciate, and nurture. While the acquired relationships like spouse, friends, and career need prudence.

It is interesting that you probably know the exact time, date and place of when and where your birth took place, but this is only because you were told about it. What is less clear is the elusive and mystical moment you truly became aware of your existence. This blurry time, when you became cognizant that you are you, and that you actually exist, just snuck up on you. From the moment of that realization, each individual experiences life in a unique way. While you may be exposed to the same circumstances as many others, how you feel, perceive, taste, understand and react to life circumstances is unique to you.

During the predetermined length of your life, you embark on new information, experiences, and habits in which you learn and perform as a human on this planet. While you will inevitably gain and lose, everything you lose may be regained, except one thing, time. If you lose time, it is gone. Any period of time is a chunk of life, both precious and irretrievable. Based on these simple realities, you will have some basic decisions to make: Are you going to waste your life or are you going to use it? Is your life going to center around you or will you reach wider spheres of involvement and concern? Wasting life partially or totally, i.e. in one lump or in installments, all can be considered a crime close to murder or suicide, even if the gradual waste does not seem that dramatic.

There are many forms and ways to waste a lifetime. With a careful look around you, you can recognize many of them: leading an aimless and purposeless life; abusing your own body, mind and soul; eroding the environment, being shallow and inefficient; all are ways to let the wonderful opportunity that we call life slip away. A life centered on your own self is selfish and never provides fulfillment. Since human beings are interdependent, you will not be happy if surrounded by unhappiness, envy, and animosity. A life that is not dedicated to a higher cause is an elusive quest for unattainable happiness.

There are three elements to what may be described as a happy life:

    * a life that is fully utilized (i.e. a life of awareness and purposeful activism),
    * a life that is dedicated to a higher cause,
    * and a life that is lived in balance.

The concept of balance is very important because an imbalanced life is one that is not in harmony with the laws of nature or existence. Nature is in perfect balance and is all around us, from the orbits to the galaxies to the structure of molecules and atoms to the diversity of species to the physiology within any unit of these species. A simple example which demonstrates this point lies within your own body. Anatomically, you are a fusion of two halves in balance (eyes, ears, nostrils, limbs). The right and left brain are distinct but, through their connection, maintain balanced performance. Perfect balance further exists between the muscles of flexion and extension, the structure of your skeleton, and in the miraculous work of the endocrinal and hormonal system.

The balance that exists between the spiritual and moral, through the soul, body, and intellect, gives you the ability to see and recognize the fine lines in behavior, that if crossed, will lead to imbalance. The line that exists between courage and recklessness, caution and cowardice, saving and stinginess, honesty and rudeness, generosity and squandering, pride and arrogance.

Conversely, injustice, encroachment on the rights of others, bias and double standards all act to tilt the scale of balance and run contrary to the laws of existence and the nature of creation as manifested in the large and small creatures within the kingdom of God. God says in the Qur'an:

"And the skies.' has He raised high and has devised [for all things] a measure so that you [too, 0 humanity,] might never transgress the measure [of what is right].' weigh, therefore, [your deeds] with equity, and cut not the measure short!" (55:7-9)

Within this framework of understanding and appreciation of the simple unadulterated nature of life and creation lies the true understanding of Islam. Islam is the affirmation of these basics. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) described the religion as "Deen al Fitra," meaning the way of the unadulterated original nature and as the Qur'an described:

"And do, set thy face steadfastly towards the [one ever-true] faith, turning away from all that is false, in accordance with the natural disposition which God has instilled into humanity.' [for] not to allow any change to corrupt what God has thus created - this is the [purpose of the one] ever-true faith,' but most people know it not." (30:30)

Through integrating these basic realities of life with the message of God and His call to comply to His will - which is manifested in His natural laws of existence in its universality, global humanity and harmony as comprehensive, internal, and external peace - that you can become a Muslim, citizen of the world, mercy to all, guardian of justice, supporter and enjoiner of what is good, opposer of what is evil, and promoter of human dignity for all.

Only then can you cooperate with those who seek righteousness and awareness. Only then will Islam be your zone of comfort, will you come home to Islam, feel complete harmony and be liberated not shackled, lightened not burdened, natural not artificial. Only then will your life as a Muslim be to enjoy not endure, allowing you to be yourselves, not a facade.

So for the Human Race, We May Say: Happy Birthday!

Maher Hathout is a leading spokesperson for the American Muslim community, is a retired physician best known for his tireless commitment to public service. He is also the author of "In Pursuit of Justice: The Jurisprudence of Human Rights in Islam" and Jihad vs Terrorism. He serves as the senior advisor to the Muslim Public Affairs Council (MPAC)

Source: www.islamicity.com

|Sheikh Salman al-Oadah|

When we think of a young religious person, too often we think of someone who spends all his time with other Muslims, going to the Islamic center, or attending religious classes. When he is not outside engaged in these outside activities, we think of him devoting all his time to personal devotions like reading Islamic books, reciting the Qur’ân, or listening to recorded lectures. Sadly, we do not think of this young person having anything whatsoever to do with the rest of the household.

This is, in fact, a grave mistake that many religious young people make. The worldly needs of the household must be met.

Who, then, is going to purchase the household’s needs? Who will take members of the family to the places where they have to go? Who will entertain the guests? Who will pick up so-and-so from the airport? Should the “pious” member of the family be the one to say: “Sorry. I have no time. I am busy!” ?

This “pious” person has failed to carry out his proper role at home. Therefore, someone else will have to be the one to carry it out. That someone else may be deficient in his religion, but because he is the one taking care of the needs of the household, he is going to be the one to have the greatest influence. His words will be heeded and his commands obeyed. His opinions will carry weight. As for the religious young person, his word will carry no weight whatsoever, since he never does anything to benefit anyone else.

Sometimes the situation is even worse than this. There are cases, especially in the Gulf states, where the religious person does not leave the affairs of the household to another family member, but rather to a servant or the driver.

The driver is the one to take the girls to school and to the shops. This stranger, then, is the one who stays with them for hours on end in the car or at the shopping center.

This is a serious shortcoming on the part of the religious person.

Serving the members of one’s family is the best way to influence them. A religious young person should safeguard the weaker members of the family from having to leave the home too much. He should take care of their needs himself. He should go to the shop for them.

His home is not some hotel where he goes to sleep, eat, and drink. It is definitely not his place to do nothing but act like an emperor, ordering others around and piling on prohibitions without providing any alternatives.

If you want to be listened to, then you have to expend some time and effort to make sure that your household’s needs are met. You must take the time to get the things that they need and take them where they need to go.

Some of our religious young men and women do not carry out the housework that their families expect of them. They seek to excuse themselves from their household chores with excuses like reading the Qur’ân or listening to a taped lecture!

Then they wonders how they can have a positive affect on the other members of their household who are engaged in sinful activites.

In order to be able to counteract the sinful behavior that goes on in the home and bring about positive change, you must first build up your own position within your household by serving your family and catering to their needs. Do not make yourself invisible. Make your presence known by doing things for others.

Some of our young, religious people flee from their homes in one way or another after becoming religious. They feel that they cannot bear staying at home surrounded by what they regard as sinful behavior or as their family’s casual religious attitudes.

Some seek to escape the temptations at home by going overseas to study or by simply moving away from home. There are often clear signs in their behavior that they are merely running away. Some of them even leave home without their parents’ permission.

They forget that when a man asked the Prophet (peace be upon him) if he could go to war, the Prophet (peace be upon him) immediately asked him if his parents were alive. When he said that they were, the Prophet said: “Your jihad is to take care of your parents!” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (2728) and Sahîh Muslim (4623)]

They also forget that when another young man approached the Prophet (peace be upon him) to go and fight, the Prophet (peace be upon him) asked him if his mother was alive. When he found out that she was, he told the man: “Woe unto you! Attend her at her feet and you will attain Paradise.” [Sunan Ibn Mâjah (2771). The hadîth is authentic (sahîh)]

So, if we want Paradise, the quickest way to get there is by honoring our mothers.

During the reign of `Umar b. al-Khattâb, a young man named Kullâb volunteered to fight in Syria with the army of Yazîd b. Abî Sufyân. The boy’s father approached `Umar and appealed to him in poetic verse about how his son had abandoned his father and mother.

`Umar asked him what was going on and the old man said: “He left for Syria and abandoned his two elderly parents.” Upon hearing this, `Umar shed tears and promptly wrote to Yazîd ordering the young man to be returned with all of his possessions to `Umar.

When the man arrived, `Umar asked him: “So you are Kullâb?” Then he said to him: “Go to your parents and honor them, and stay with them until they die.” [Ibn `Asâkir, Târîkh Dimashq (50/270, 276)]

Sometimes a person is unable to cope with his duties as a Muslim at home. Such a person is definitely not going to be able to engage in this effort of disseminating Islam to others. How can a person who cannot even cope with his duties in his own home think he can take on broader responsibilities?

The first duty of our young people is to establish themselves at home by fulfilling their responsibilities to their families.

Source: www.islamtoday.com

By: Maryam

As most people do, I turned to Allah and Islam during the hard times of my life. It's a sad fact of life. When times are happy and life is good, no one feels obliged to turn towards his or her Deen (religion). It's all about living the moment.

After I had turned towards Allah, I approached a friend in a very casual manner, trying to encourage her to also turn towards Islam. Her reply chilled my blood. "Right now, my life is good, I'm happy and I don't need any change."

I thought to myself, better bite your tongue. I wanted to shake her and say, "Would you really want some tragic event to happen before waking up to Islam?" Obviously no one in his or her right mind would want to do so, but subconsciously, I feel everyone does.

I was no exception to that. I was on the brink of depression, as a result of a series of events that happened. Now looking back at it, it wasn't much, but being a teenager who had lost her sense of identity and purpose in life, it was the monster of all crises.

I had been separated from my best friends, snatched up away from my life and replaced in a place I had once called home. It was hard, and I was suffering. I used to find comfort, lying awake at night and staring at the stars, amazed at the fact that these were the same stars I stared at when I lived on the other side of the world.

My family, Alhamdulillah (All Praise be to Allah), had all changed towards Islam in the past years. No one forced me to wear Hijab, and I didn't simply because I thought I wasn't ready. They did, however, expect me to dress modestly and most importantly offer my daily prayers.

My aunt used to take me to these classes held nearby, and I went when I could. I was in pain and I didn't quite understand why. And it happened so that the particular topic at that class I had attended was on why pain and suffering happens. The teacher said that we are put through hard times as a test, to see how we cope with it. To see if we will turn towards Siratul Mustaqeem (the Straight Path), or away from it.

It was that day that I learned that every bit of pain we endure, both emotional and physical, alleviates us from our punishments in the hereafter. It was then that I started truly understanding the ways of Allah, how everything that happens has a purpose and that I was supposed to learn from that.

It's been almost two and a half years since that period of my life. It took me a year and a half to actually start changing. I knew Islam, but I did not practice it the way a Muslim is supposed to. I thought I was happy, but deep down inside I knew that I was not.

I was a hypocrite, and as much as I tried denying it, I could not. It sank in and I accepted it and prayed that I find the right way. My conscience was not dead, but I had muted it. Before, I used to get the urge to start Hijab, yet I used to fight it. I performed Umra and I prayed continuously that the next time my conscience spoke to me, I would not only listen to it, but I would amplify it so that I could not ignore it.

Last Ramadan, late one night, Hijab got on my conscience and would not go away. I told myself that I was not ready, that there were many strings attached that I may not be able to fulfil, but with the right words from supportive friends I told myself that if I didn't start now, I would never start. And I believed that 200%. So I no longer had any excuse for not doing Hijab. So Allhumdulilah, I finally put on my Hijab on December 31st, 1999 at the age of 18, and have been wearing it ever since.

After a month or so, I realized that Hijab was not as big a deal as I had thought. It was not difficult in the least. To this day there has never been a moment that I regretted Hijab, and for that I am so grateful, Alhamdulillah. I immediately found many friends who also wear Hijab. These friends and my family were the greatest strength for my new found Iman (faith).

I occupied myself with more Masjid-oriented activities and attended more classes to increase my knowledge of our religion. I am grateful that I put my foot down and decided to start Hijab then, because had I not, who knows how long it would have taken for me to start.

How do I remember Allah and His magnificent ways?

When I step outside and marvel at the beauty of nature. When I stop to play with a baby and see how perplexing, yet perfect, the precious cycle of life is. When I go out and people stop to say As-Salaam-Wa-Alaikum to me. When I study the Qur'an and the Hadeeth of our beautiful Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and how perfectly and completely it incorporates our lives and faith. When I pass by my fellow sisters in Islam adorned proudly and confidently in their Hijabs. Everything reminds me of Allah, and I can feel my love for Him, our Prophet, and our religion grow by the day.

Source: www.missionislam.com

By Ahamed Ameen

It is impossible to achieve any reform without first developing our willpower.

If we want our youth to be able to keep their emotions in check, refrain from overindulgence, exhibit courage in times of hardship, and uphold justice in the face of oppression, then we must realize that all of our advice will be of no avail to them if they lack willpower. People need to develop their willpower before they can put their convictions into practice. It takes willpower for a person to do something arduous, even if he thinks it is for his own benefit. Likewise, it takes willpower for him to shun temptation, even when he knows that indulging such temptations will be harmful to him. You can advise him all day long if you like, but it will do no good if the one receiving your advice is weak-willed.

How, then, can we cultivate our willpower and strengthen it?

Consider a child who wants to learn to ride a bicycle. When he starts off, he cannot even keep the bike standing straight, let alone go forward on it. When he does get going, he weaves wildly to the left and to the right and ultimately ends up falling flat on the ground. With a lot of hard work and perseverance, he gets it in the end. He learns to ride smoothly and easily. He even learns to do a few stunts.

What happened? The bicycle definitely did not change – except for possibly a few dents. It is just as willing to obey its rider as it ever was. All the changes have taken place with the rider.

The same can be said for all of our goals in life. We have to get control of ourselves before we can tackle our environment. The first step in this is to develop our willpower.

A weak-willed person is as shaky when it comes to life’s problems as that child was when he first climbed onto his bicycle. If this person begins trying to strengthen his will, he will slowly but surely learn to move through life more steadily. And just like when our nascent cyclist first took to the road, the weak-willed person is going to need a lot of hard work and perseverance to get through his problems. However, as time goes on, facing his problems will become easier and smoother. This is why the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The time for patience is when misfortune first strikes.”

Strengthening our willpower is arduous at first, but once it is strengthened, life will become much easier.

A weak-willed person always resolves on something and then gives up. He goes through life like a weaver who constantly unravels his own yarn. However, once a person actually goes forth with determination until he reaches his goal, he will find that he can do so again with much less difficulty.

A pious man finds the performance of good deed as easy as a sinner finds indulging in vice. The difference between the two is that the pious man directed his willpower toward virtue while the other directed his towards sin.

Many young people get into bad habits without thinking. They just go with the flow, thoughtlessly aping their peers without thinking about the consequences. Many of our youth succumb simply because they are weak-willed.

Imagine a boy sitting with a couple of his friends. They start smoking and urge him to join them. He declines and they start to put pressure on him. They justify what they are doing by saying that it eases stress or by offering some other baseless claim. So he takes his first puff, but he finds it irritating and has no desire to smoke again. However, a few days later he finds himself in the same situation again. This time the irritation is not so bad. Now he joins in with them wholeheartedly. Another bad habit is born.

If this boy had been strong-willed to begin with, he would never have smoked. It takes willpower to resist peer pressure, whether the temptation at hand is smoking, drinking, or chasing girls.

Our youth have to learn to follow their reason instead of their desires. They need to have a strong sense of responsibility.

When a person stays in bed even though it is time for the Fajr prayer or time to go to work, he gives in to sloth and laziness and this weakens his willpower. However, if he has a strong sense of responsibility and obeys his intellect, he will be able to get himself out of bed and do what he has to do. The same thing goes for every other aspect of life. Whether a person gives in to sleep or to peer pressure, he dulls both his mind and his willpower and he becomes less responsible as a person.

The great people we read about in history were strong willed people who obeyed their minds and not their fancies. They built up their willpower by working hard and surmounting the obstacles that faced them. Great people take pleasure in resisting temptation and in the sense of power and self-control that doing so gives them. Our history testifies to a great number of such people.

Take Abû Bakr at the time when many of the Arabs turned their backs on Islam and refused to pay Zakâh. Many people advised Abû Bakr to be lenient on them. However, he rejected their advice and demanded that the Arabs accept Islam wholeheartedly without subtracting anything from it. We can see in this his determination, his strength of will, and his ability to stand up in the face of the most trying of circumstances.

Consider Ibn Taymiyah’s stance when the ruler wanted him to abandon the opinions that he had arrived at through careful study. When Ibn Taymiyah refused to do so, he was imprisoned and tortured but he still refused to recant. Instead, he spent his time in prison writing books wherein he explained and defended his principles and teachings. When they took away his pens and paper, he took up pieces of coal and began writing on the walls. His determination in the face of imprisonment and torture is a great example of the triumph of the human will over adversity and his writings are an enduring legacy of this triumph.

Willpower is one of the greatest secrets of success. By cultivating our willpower and strengthening it, we can stand up to the trials that face us. A strong-willed person is someone who can improve himself and someone who can benefit from the advice and guidance of others. By contrast, a weak-willed person cannot improve himself and will not be availed of the efforts of others to better him. Before anything else, he needs to strengthen himself. He needs to treat his weakness as if it were a disease and be patient during the healing process.

Source: www.missionislam.com

How do the attitudes of Muslim youth toward sex differ from those of other Americans? How does Islam equip them to deal with the pressures of a promiscuous society, where nearly all their peers are sexually active?

If you are a parent, put aside for a short time your preconceptions of how you think your children feel about their sexual identity and responsibilities. If you are a teenager or college student, much of what will be said here will reflect the experiences of you and your friends because it reflects the reality of the situations that face us all.

Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a perfect society. There will always be those who indulge in social taboos. The reality is that casual, premarital sex happens, and to ignore it will only make the problem worse. This reality becomes:

What do American Muslim youth think about sex? Youth should be taught that it's okay to feel uncomfortable about sex. It's your body's way of telling you that it's not right for you at that time. If Islam is really important to you and you really believe that it prescribes what is best for you in the long run, no amount of pressure should be applied in the society where American Muslim youth are raised since the media blitz on sexuality adds to the already present anxiety and distorts people's views on what is considered right and wrong behavior.

In Islam, sex is more than just a means of procreation. It has a very specific role within the context of marriage, a concept that differs from some religions in that it is integral to the process of pleasing one's partner and creating a loving, nurturing relationship. Sex, in most cases, is an act that is between two people observed by God, and if one of those three is not comfortable with it, then something is wrong. The reality is that it happens, for non-Muslims and Muslims alike, and not talking about it or discussing it and its consequences can only make the problem a worse thing that it is, within the context of marriage, so that once they grow up, they will be able to appreciate it for its inherent beauty and purpose.

WHAT ARE THE PRESSURES YOUTH FACE TODAY?

The topic of sexuality provokes strong emotions in people, and because of this reaction, we see sexual images and actions everywhere. Fear, mystery, curiosity, desire-all of these very powerful emotions can be easily manipulated by-and manifest into sexual behavior. "A lot of underage people drink because its frowned upon by authority figures and the same goes for sexual activity," said one teenage Muslim boy. "Basically, a lot of people become curious about sex because of a combination of their peers telling them that they are weird if they don't and their parents telling them they will go to hell if they do." Sexuality is such a complex subject that to dismiss or trivialize it is to suppress a natural urge which demands attention, either through discussion or-as is often the case- release.

"My parents go so far as to tell me what I'm feeling is unnatural, and that I'm being wrong just thinking about the opposite sex in that way," one person said. "I mean, I don't plan to act out on what I'm feeling, but I have to at least talk about it-but not to my parents, I guess." Many young people complain that their parents set unrealistic expectations regarding sexual pressure or anxiety, and they also feel abandoned by parents who simply tell them to "just say no." This leaves them with no choice but to consult less reliable sources of information, such as their equally confused peers.

ISLAM GIVES THE TOOLS TO JUDGE

A healthy background of Islamic ideals can counteract the pressures people face about sex. Nearly all the people interviewed for this article cited Islamic belief as being essential in removing much of the anxiety which plagues American youth. "Islam puts sex into perspective," one youth said. "Unlike some other religions, it's treated as a normal, natural activity that, given a proper context, can bring pleasure and happiness. It isn't necessarily considered 'dirty'-just something worth waiting for."

Most youth agree that education is important. "A lot of our curiosity about sex and sexuality could be satisfied with frank and open discussion" said one. Another said that it is "the mystique surrounding sex in a Muslim family that sparks curiosity. The lure becomes stronger the less your parents discuss it." One parent added that discussing the benefits of sex, like better physical and emotional health, rather than instilling an unnatural fear, is very important. "After all, nobody would bungee jump if it weren't dangerous."

THE RISKS OF SEPARATION

Most Muslim youth, like other Americans, can unfortunately find themselves increasingly susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies, partly because of the failure in following Islamic teachings and unsafe practices but also because Muslim youth who find themselves in situations of temptation are overwhelmed. "For youth who are sheltered by their parents from any significant contact with the opposite sex, a chance encounter can result in a total loss of moral judgment," said one person. "Imagine kids who are never given the opportunity to even talk with members of the opposite sex being put in a classroom with attractive people who may show an interest in them. They just can't handle it."

Many otherwise well-meaning parents socially cripple their children by denying them the opportunity to interact with other girls and boys in an open, Islamically supervised forum. The result is that members of the opposite sex are seen as objects of fear and curiosity rather than as people -and are treated as such. "Our parents spent all of our formative years making blanket statements about the "evils of sex," explained a 22-year old college student. "And once we get married, we're expected to conveniently forget these feelings. Many people of my age find that hard to deal with, and I think that leads to a lot of dysfunctional marriages."

THOSE WHO FALL

There are many more Muslim children than our community would like to admit who are sexually active, some unapologetically. Most, if not all, are discreet in their actions, knowing that the ensuing conflicts would be tremendous. They seem content with living dual lives, one for the mosque and one for themselves. Few, if any, reconcile their behavior with Islam, and most readily accept and believe that what they are doing is considered a major sin in Islam, seeking instead to avoid thinking or talking about the consequences. "It's amazing, really," said one observer. "People who otherwise fast and avoid alcohol will readily jump into someone's bed and not even think about it the following day. These people have moral blinders on when it comes to sex."

Most people involved treat it as a personal weakness or a failure in character, thereby avoiding responsibility for their actions. "I can't help it," said one youth. "Of the typical sex-drugs-rock and roll sampler of temptations that are available to me, the only one I can't resist is sex. Everything else is relatively easy, but that one isn't."

GOD WILL BE MORE MERCIFUL THAN MY PARENTS

For those rare occasions where a Muslim girl finds herself pregnant with an unwanted baby, the option exercised is almost always abortion, usually without consent or knowledge of the parents. The dilemma of choosing abortion in cases such as these can be devastating to those who, already racked with guilt over the consequences of their first major sin, find themselves forced to commit a second major one. "You're placed in a situation where you fear your parents more than you fear God Himself," said one young woman who found herself in this situation. "Knowingly choosing abortion was the most difficult thing I ever had to do, but at the time I was convinced that God would be more merciful than my parents."

WHAT ADVICE DO MUSLIM YOUTH HAVE FOR THEIR PEERS?

Muslim parents have little idea how knowledgeable, as well as how wise, their children are when it comes to dealing with sexual pressure. When asked to give advice to their peers, much of what they said reflected an understanding based on a great deal of personal experience and observation. "If Islam is really important to you, and you really believe that it prescribes what is best for you in the long run, then no amount of pressure should convince you," said one college-aged woman. "In a situation like that, you should take five minutes to cool down and collect your thoughts. You'll probably change your mind."

Another person explained, "Sex is an act between two people observed by God, and it should be performed in marriage with the blessing of God." Others showed a change of heart after living a sexually active lifestyle for a period of time. "I really didn't feel much moral obligation when I was younger," said one. "But now that my views and principles have changed. I think that I'm as pure inside as anyone else. I've completely distanced myself from my past life and attitude, and made a commitment to myself and God to be a more responsible person. If you do try something that you regret later, you shouldn't feel that you are a bad person. You should learn from it and move on. If you don't learn from it, then that's where you'll be making the mistake."

THE PROGNOSIS

The largest gulf of understanding still remains between the parent and the youth, especially in the area of sexuality. Sex is a natural part of life, and when questions arise, they can be discussed in a mature way without actually condoning certain behavior. Fear seems to do little in the way of preventing or curtailing certain behavior (in most cases, it can actually push kids over the edge), but in families where there is open discussion of these topics, there appears to be a stronger and more principled stand.

As in most child-parent relationships, communication is the key. In households where children obey Islam and its rules simply out of fear of the parent, the overwhelming majority either leave their Islam at home when they go out or find their thin veneer of protection easily cracked by temptation. "Your parents can't be with you forever-sooner or later you will be faced with your own decisions, and your parents won't be around to tell you what to do " one person said. The most stable youths governed their actions through God-consciousness which came through learning and education not parental pressure-and walked through the proverbial fire unharmed.

The topic occurred to me when I heard some discussions about the "equality" of man and woman in Islam and when some rejected the principle of accepting man as the head of the family. In most of these discussions many Western concepts were referred to as scientifically irrefutable, many Quranic verses were arbitrarily interpreted and many Traditions (Prophet's sayings) were ignored and described as unauthoritative. I could easily discern the motives behind such arguments and how most of them were the result of the Western social problematic structure, added to the non-Islamic ideology which prevails over the judgment of individuals in such societies.

Farhad Khan is a contributing writer for islam-usa.com (Edited by Shahid Athar , M. D.)

By Shirien Elamawy

Mass Communication Student - US

I hate clichés. How many times have we heard people say, "Don't aim low when setting your goals?" When people tell us this, does it really drive us to aim high? Or does it just sound like the old same rhetoric we've been hearing all our lives?

Most likely, it's the latter.

I used to think this way too until I stumbled upon a hadith of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) that changed my outlook on everything. In the hadith, the Prophet tells us that when we ask Almighty Allah for Paradise, we should ask for Al-Firdaws Al-`ala, the highest level of Paradise.

Between the lines, you can almost hear the Prophet say, "Don't aim low."

How many times have we taken exams hoping just to pass; you know, get away with a C or B max.? Rarely will we come out of that exam making an A. The Prophet is telling us to set the bar high. Because if you aim for mediocrity, unfortunately, that's the best you'll ever get.

So now we know we should set our goals high. But what if we don't have concrete goals? What if we still don't know what exactly we want to do in our lives? Who's to say we'll live long enough to accomplish our goals?

I'll be perfectly honest, I hate making lists. I hate when people tell me to write down my goals and check them off as I accomplish them. Most of the time, that piece of paper ends up being used for my grocery list a couple of days later!

However, if we keep a couple of things in mind while thinking about our future, the rest will be easy, God willing.

1. Everything should come back to your purpose in life.

Almighty Allah says,

(And I did not create the Jinn and humankind except to worship Me (alone)) (Adh-Dhariyat 51:56).

Our purpose in this life is to worship Allah the way He prescribed us to worship Him. Therefore, in setting your goals, you have to make sure that anything and everything you do is in accordance to what is most pleasing to Allah. If you work toward haram goals in this world, your ultimate goal is lost; the goal of attaining Al-Firdaws; seeking Allah's grace.

2. All actions are but by intentions. Not only is this the key to success in both worlds, it's effortless. The difference between a student who goes to class routinely every morning because he or she has to go and the one who goes to class for the sake of Allah, is that the former is losing out on the reward he or she could get if that adjustment in intentions is made.

3. Almost any field can be for the sake of Allah.Whether you want to go into medicine, physics, or media, you should learn it to benefit Islam and humanity around you. If you plan to be a doctor, benefit those in need; plan to save people's lives knowing that Allah says,

(If anyone saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of all humankind)(Al-Ma'idah 5:32).

If you plan to work in the media, work for spreading true Islam to mass audiences. Work against the agendas and the propaganda used against Muslims today. Almost any field can be for the sake of Allah so long as it does not cross into the haram. More importantly, when you have the right intentions, your work will be meaningful and worthwhile.

4. Have passion in what you do, not only what you think will make the most money. Find what you can be the absolute best in! Find what you have a passion for - something that completely intrigues and captivates you, and find an economic engine to drive it forward! Our parents might try to pressure us to go into a field because of its prestige. Although it's good to please one's parents, we should try to convince them to let us do something we like to do. When we do something that interests us, it sets us up for doing that thing it with ihsaan — Arabic for: striving to do it with the highest standards and recognizing that Allah himself is watching you; perfecting what we do. If you're worried that your hobby is something that won't bring you enough money, then remember if you're doing it for Allah's sake, then put your trust in Almighty Allah and fear Him because He will provide for you. You just have to be confident that He will.

5. You will be tested.Lastly, when you have the right intention, expect opposition and hardship. Don't give up. There will be people telling you that your goals aren't realistic and there will be people who try to sabotage your goals. If you crumble under pressure, then know that you have failed the test and have proven that you did not put enough trust in Allah and turn to Him for help. Remember, if you walk toward Allah, He runs toward you. He is the only one who can give you success, and He is the only one who can take it away from you to test you. It's important to realize that we should all have goals — long-term and short-term. But our ultimate goal should be to attain the highest levels of Paradise without being punished in our graves or in Hell. Work in this life as if you'll live forever and prepare for the Hereafter as if you'll die tomorrow. For what have you prepared for tomorrow? Know that tomorrow may never come. Prepare for the worldly tomorrow, today, and most of all prepare for the Hereafter now and always.

Shirien Elamawy is a Mass Communication student and opinion columnist at Louisiana State University, the US. She specializes in doing public relations work for various Islamic projects and businesses. She can be reached at youth_campaign@iolteam.com

By Sadia Masroor

In our competitive world, it is not surprising to see many young people going through a phase in their lives when they feel tired of their careers, homes, families and even their lives.

This state is typically disregarded by most of us who believe it to be just a ‘passing phase’, when in reality it is the most decisive period in one’s life that calls for awareness, proper guidance or even counseling.

To deal with stress one needs to realize the negative affects of stress that often lead to depression, thereby impacting the mental and physical health of a person. Hence, it is essential to treat the early symptoms of stress in order to avoid its repercussions later in life.

Some of the early symptoms of Stress are:

• excessive complaining

• increased irritability

• trouble getting to sleep

• the individual prefers to be alone

• heavy smoking

• less interaction with family

• indigestion, lack of appetite

• lack of concentration

Causes of Stress

Major causes of stress can be the death of a loved one, marital disputes, family disputes and separation from children, long-term illnesses, disability, abusive parents, disrespectful children, project deadlines, or even an exam.

A software professional observed: “Stress is a constant companion in our lives encompassing us the moment we grow as an individual and join the millions of others in the race to achieve the ambitious goals set up by humans in the ultramodern world.” She further added that with time we begin to accept our failures and shortcomings and prepare to live by them abandoning all efforts for improvement.

"I yell at my husband and children for an issue that turns into an ugly scene,” said a house wife. However, as time goes by, she realized that no matter how bad the situation is, the problem would only worsen by her outburst. It would have been better if she had analyzed the whole story with a realistic approach. "These kinds of outbursts during stressful times are not rare, and can occur at different stages in life. For instance, this can happen while working on a project or a presentation. No matter how hard the person works, many people still feel insecure to face the world, which sadly manifests during an important time in their career like attending an interview or making a presentation at a coveted conference," she added.

People have different approaches towards stress; therefore, we hear about a variety of consequences; some can be ‘inspiring’ and others that can be ‘pitiful’.

Dealing with Stress

Some of the youth who are under stress are often mystified and lose control of their ability to think and hence, tend to make more mistakes. These are the ones who are disorganized in their lives. They fail to value time and often relate ‘success’ and ‘failure’ to materialistic progress.

Such individuals are usually far from spiritual insight and are lacking in the fundamental nature of human consciousness. These are the people who lack faith in their creator and in the purpose of their creation.

On the other hand, people who believe they have a purpose in life perceive failures and successes as no more than a ‘test’ of their faith. While undergoing stress, such people resolve to make use of every failure as a stepping stone towards success, and thus, they patiently endure stressful phases. These are the people who put their trust in their Creator and believe that their efforts will never be lost in His sight. They have a sense of satisfaction that regardless of the outcome of their labor in this world, their hard work will be appreciated as promised by Almighty Allah who says in the Quran:

(Never will I suffer to be lost the work of any of you be it male or female. Ye are members, one of another.) (Aal `Imran 3:195)

The above verse acts like an anti-depressant for believers who are faced with strife in their family life or at work.

Belief in goodness will help a person remain steadfast throughout all the trials and tribulations that arise in life. It is the best practical solution for any kind of problem, either at work or in one’s personal life. Endowed with faith, a person is stirred by divine power that bestows sufficient strength to withstand the struggles of life.

A prominent youth counselor said,, “Most young people today are faced with cutthroat competition. This is further aggravated by growing stiffness among family relations owing to the deprave lifestyle which seems to have replaced even the basic moral values in most homes. This leads to a distressing atmosphere where communication between the young and the elders diminishes, causing more stress with dangerous implications. In such situations, the young and the old should be reminded of the principles that bind the believers as a family, with no room for self-interest. This will not only uplift the spirits of the youth, but will further inspire everyone to turn to faith, which is the only everlasting solution for life’s’ large and small problems.

Sadia Masrooris a freelance writer from India. She is interested in the issues related to Islamic History and Current Affairs. She is part of a group called" Jazba (spirit)" that participates directly and Indirectly in welfare programs, such as Micro finance projects for the poor, Interaction with kids at orphanages, and fund raising for the poor seeking medical aid. She also works as a graphic designer. sHe can be contacted atyouth_campaign@islamonline.net