Feb 2, 2009

Posted by in Etiquette in Islam, Youth | 3 Comments

Etiqutte towards Parents

A Muslim believes in his parents’ rights upon him and his obligation to be good to them, obey them and to treat them in the best way. This is not just because they are the cause for his existence. It is also not just because they had done a great deal of good to him that he must repay and respond to it in a proper manner. But it is first and foremost because Allah has made it obligatory upon him to obey them. He has decreed that the son must be dutiful to his parents and treat them well. In fact, Allah mentions their rights in conjunction with His own right of being worshipped alone without any partner.

Allah has said:

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say, ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.” (17:23-24)

Allah also says:

“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination.” (7:40-42)

A person asked the Prophet (SAWS), “Who has the most right to my good company?” He answered, “Your mother.” The man asked, “And then who?” He said, “Your mother.” The man again asked, “And then who?” He again answered, “Your mother.” Then the man asked yet again, “And then who?” The Prophet (SAWS) then said, “Your father.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Allah’s Messenger (SAWS) also said:“Allah has forbidden for you disobedience to mothers, withholding the rights of others when one has the ability to fulfill them, and burying daughters alive. Allah also dislikes for you irrelevant talk, persistent questioning and wasting of wealth.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Another Hadith states:“Shall I not inform you of the greatest of the great sins?” they said, “Certainly, O Allah’s Messenger (SAWS)” He said, “(They are) ascribing partners to Allah, disobeying parents,” at the time he (SAWS) was reclining and then he sat up and said, “And false testimony and false witness. Verily, false testimony and false witness.” He continued to repeat that until Abu Bakrah [R.A.(the narrator)] had said (to himself). “If only he were to be silent.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Abdullah bin Mas’ud narrated that he asked that Prophet (SAWS) to tell him what deed is most beloved to Allah. Allah’s Messenger (SAWS) answered: “Being dutiful to parents.” Abdullah (R.A.) asked him, “what deed was next?” and he said, “Jihad in the way of Allah.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

A man came to Allah’s Messenger (SAWS) to seek permission to take part in Jihad. The Prophet (SAWS) asked him:“Are your parents alive?”  He said, “Yes.” So the Prophet (SAWS) told him, “Go and strive on their behalf.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

A man came to Allah’s Messenger (SAWS) and asked him:“O Allah’s Messenger (SAWS), is there any responsibility that I have to fulfill towards my parents after they have passed away?” Allah’s Messenger (SAWS) replied, “Yes, there are four matters:

  1. Pray upon them, ask forgiveness for them.
  2. Fulfill their promises.
  3. Honour their close friends.
  4. Keep ties with those concerning whom you have no relations except through (your parents).This is what is left upon you of good behaviour towards them after they die.” (Ahmad)

The Prophet (SAWS) also said:“From the most dutiful acts is that a man keeps contact with the beloved friends of his father after the father had passes away.” (Muslim)

When a Muslim recognizes these rights of his parents, he fulfills them completely as an act of obedience to Allah and in fulfillment of His words. Therefore, it is a must upon him to fulfill the following manners with respect to hi parents: 

  • One should obey them in everything they order him to do or prohibit him, as long as it is not in disobedience to Allah or in contradiction to the Shari’ah. There is no obedience to a created creature if it is an act of disobedience to the Creator. This is based on Allah’s statement: “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly.” (31:15)

Allah’s Messenger (SAWS) also said: “Obedience is in what is good and proper. There is no obedience for created things in a matter of disobedience to Creator.” (Muslim)

  • One should respect them and honour them in all of their affairs.
  •  One should be very kind and gracious to them and honour them in speech and action. Do not get mad at them or raise one’s voice above their voices. Do not walk in front of them nor favour one’s spouse or child over them. Do not call them by their names but, instead, say, ‘O my father’ or ‘O my mother’. Also, one should not travel except with their permission and pleasure.
  • One should do one’s best to be as dutiful as possible to them and give them all kinds of obedience and goodness, such as feeding them, clothing them, curing them, keeping harm away from them and giving them preference over one’s own life by being willing to sacrifice it for them.
  • One should do his best to keep the ties of kinship for which there are no ties except through the parents.
  • One should also pray for them, ask forgiveness for them, fulfill their promises and honour their close friends.

  1. arjuman says:

    AMEEN.THIS WAS REALLY TOUCHING YA SHEJI.MAY ALLAH MAKE ALL OF US GOOD CHILDREN.

  2. sunshine says:

    A very good article to include in youth category.One should try to spend time with parents, talk to them ,laugh with them ,help them in what ever they like to do like gardening or reading books.Also grand children play a very important part in keeping their grandparents busy and happy.Discuss Islam with them.Take care that they r taking medicine properly.And last but not least also respect the parents of ur spouse.After Allah it was them who took care of ur spouse and made him/her ready for u.

  3. NISHA FAKRUDEEN says:

    ff everyone read this article….there is no need of old age homes…Mashallah…

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