Choosing Your Life Partner?

By  Sadia Masroor

Marriage provides the only lawful means of lasting companionship between a man and a woman. It is highly respected in Islam, as it is the correct way to form a family that lays the foundation for a stable Islamic society.

Marriage requires the right approach, and is not a matter that can be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment, and full knowledge of all that it involves. A partner should be a choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can last.

The youth should be wise enough to give due importance to the aspect of compatibility, and they should not evaluate a partner based on mere physical qualities. They should be aware that if marriage completes half the faith, they should strive to achieve the best half.

In society, men and women have the right to choose a life partner. However, parents also have an important role in the process of marriage by offering experience, counsel and rightful intervention, which is preferable to being left to the feeling of confusion and a failed future marriage.

Causes of Confusion

In today’s fast-growing world, many young people yearn for individuality at a very important time of their lives. Thus, in recent times, adolescents tend to reflect more on their individual opinions instead of seeking counsel from their elders. It is likely that there will be divergent opinions between young people and their parents which make it increasingly difficult to take decisions that are pleasing to all. This is mainly due to the clash between dogmatic norms set by the parents, and the criteria of the young person seeking marriage.

It is the prospective bride and groom who must inquire about each other’s ideals, ambitions, preferences, and objectives with regards to marriage. The outcome of the exchange of thoughts could well result in marital bliss or a blatant rejection of either or both of the parties owing to the level of compatibility or incompatibility.

Another important point that can cause confusion is the spirit of competitiveness between men and women in the industrial world. New age women have attained an almost equal status with men in the economic sphere and so have superseded the traditional breadwinner of the ideal family. It is not surprising that alongside men, women also look forward to facing the challenges of the world by sustaining a balance between career and home duties.

Clearly, each spouse in the modern concept of marriage continually strives to gain complete independence in their marital life. In such relationships, key decisions are no longer based on consultation. This sense of individuality exposes a new dimension in which one is entirely focused on self-identity.

Independent and self-reliant approaches often lead young men and women to a state of apprehension when choosing a partner in marriage. Initially, they seem to be attracted by the trend of no accountability in a relationship. However, as soon as the shallow mask of egoism begins to fade, the relationship gives way like an avalanche.

Obviously, the criteria for choosing a partner have undergone dramatic changes in recent years. Beauty and status top the list today. Values such as modesty, simplicity and piety are often underrated, and are considered by very few people who still believe that piety is an essential quality to look for when choosing a partner.

Views of Young Muslims

Zohra Mujeer, a young Muslim woman, said:

In the present day, everyone is striving towards a materialistic life, while ethics are no longer being reflected in society. Likewise wealth and status have become prime factors in evaluating success.

Mujeer added…

For a successful marriage, ideally a person is required to seek out someone who is trustworthy, along with morals such as compassion and tolerance to build a strong relationship, but sadly these qualities have been ignored because of the obsession with the high position doctrine [status] that prevails in today’s society.

Mujeer continued:

When seeking a life partner, what is looked for is a near perfect standard where a man or woman is expected to match all criteria. It is very important that both men and women acknowledge the fact that no two individuals are alike, and therefore, they should overlook the differences, and perhaps look for other good qualities in that person.

Ms. Ghousia said:

The current generation loves to believe in an unrealistic world. They are enthralled by glamour, which is highly promoted by the media and the celebrity world. It creates a fictitious desire among the youth, who are deeply influenced by fashion and style icons and they often begin to imitate their way of dressing and thinking!

Ghousia continued:

Confusion with regard to marriage can be greatly attributed to the lack of wisdom in choosing a life partner. Young people should study the factors that build and maintain a healthy marriage, identify the aims and objectives in a relationship, and place utmost importance on the criteria mentioned in the Qur`an and Sunnah.

Unraveling the Confusion

In the Qur`an, Almighty Allah mentions the marital bond as one of His signs, and says,

“Among His signs is that He has created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” (Ar-Rum, 30:21)

The best criterion for choosing a partner in marriage was stated by Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him):

"A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser." (Narrated by Abu Huraira – from Al Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27)

The above-mentioned criteria are certainly bound to lead us towards an apt and unswerving choice in the course of a successful marriage partner. There would be no room for confusion if we chose to adopt the principles for marriage mentioned in the Qur'an and the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), which could well be applied in all ages to come.

Sadia Masrooris a freelance writer from India. She is interested in the issues related to Islamic History and Current Affairs. She is part of a group called" Jazba (spirit)" that participates directly and Indirectly in welfare programs, such as Micro finance projects for the poor, Interaction with kids at orphanages, and fund raising for the poor seeking medical aid. She also works as a graphic designer..She can be contacted atyouth_campaign@islamonline.net