The “Back Home” Syndrome

Read the previous part: Choosing a partner (Wife)

One time or another you must have heard somebody telling you, “I went back home to get married.”

Although the intention is good, this practice may do more harm than good.

Certainly there are exceptions; however, one cannot build a general theory on exceptions.

Seeing is more difficult

Allah’s Messenger (saw) recommended for us to see whom we are going to marry in person, so that there will not be any shocks at later time, and to put our hearts and minds and ease.
He (saw) said: “It is better to see whom you are going to marry, so that your heart will be content.” (Authenticated by al-Albani in Sahih Tirmidhi)

Evidence is more difficult to obtain

Not only to see her in person, but to find out what would help him make a decision, and to go forth to ask her for hand in marriage.

Allah’s Messenger (saw) said: “If any of you intends to get engaged, he should look for whatever is going to aid him in making his decision if possible.” (Muslim)

Compatibility

In relation to the “back home” syndrome, we have to keep in mind the issue of compatibility, particularly in light of the following items:

Are the two of you compatible intellectually?
Are the two of you compatible physically?
Are the two of you compatible financially?
Are the two of you compatible morally?
Are the two of you compatible environmentally?
Are the two of you compatible psychologically?

There are many variables to consider in choosing the right partner for yourself.

I hope you make the right decision.

Read the next part: The decision making process