Posted by Umm Sahl in Life Pepper, Spousal Relationship | 5 Comments
Gifts and Grace
By Fatima A Khan
Our Prophet, sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam told us to,“Give gifts to one another, for gifts take away rancour.”
In another account, we learn that He, sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam used to accept a gift and give compensation for it (Bukhari)
A gift is literally anything a person gives without expecting a payment or return. In a marriage it could be turning the kettle on in the morning without being asked, unloading the dishwasher or dryer, or even tidying up before going to bed. All these are gifts, and to follow the sunnah would mean to reciprocate each gesture.
I am a Relationship Coach for Muslim women, and I am a wife as well. Both roles have no “off-duty” shifts, since alhamdu lillah both are my identities. I can tell you from both authorities that women usually are unable to accept gifts with grace.
When your husband gives you something and you shy away with a smile or even silence, you are keeping him from knowing exactly how you feel, or how much you like the gift. Unless you tell him in so many words, he will not know. He may even think that you did not like the gift and think twice before getting you something in the future.
From my experience with Muslim women, I have learnt that their silence usually means
1) they feel that they do not deserve the gift,
2) they don’t want to risk looking / sounding silly by revealing just how much they appreciate the gesture.
In reality, the best way to encourage your husband to express himself through gifts is to appreciate him each time he does.Speak out your feelings, tell him exactly what you like about the gift, being attentive to details. A gift could be anything he does for you to make your day a pleasant one, and what you like most about it could even be the though behind it. If that is what you like, then tell him and he will feel encouraged to do it again for the same appreciation inshaAllah.
Thank Allah in each step of your marriage, for all that you have and wish to own in it, thank Him so he may increase you, and accept His gifts with grace.
Fatima A. Khan is a Certified Life Coach specialising in Relationship Coaching for Muslim Women. She has an upcoming free webinar, “Speak His Language: How To Speak So Your Husband Listens on May 15 for Muslim women only. The details and the sign-up form can be found on her website is http://www.LifePepper.org
Umm Sahl, your sister in Islam, a wife and mother of 3 beautiful blessed babies
Masha Allah! Very nice article.
It is really very true that when we give gifts to our spouse we feel sooo happy. And when we see our husbands so happy, we feel even more satisfied.
Specially when we give surprises:) It is just amazing. I feel extremely happy when my husband gives me surprise gifts:)Alhamdulillah:)
Very true. And its very important to keep the excitement of the little gestures/ gifts. They are sooooo sweet!!
MashaAllah sister, thank you for this article 🙂
Subhanallah! so true…..I always almost never respond to gifts…… which are soooo many. Must be making me look like a very ungrateful wife….
Alhamdu lillah for the sisters who are able to benefit from this 🙂
Shayistha and Larissa, I completely agree with you, the gifts are really sweet
Sister Lubna, alhamdu lillah for this realization for you! Don’t think about how you may seem, especially since you say you get sooo many gifts mashaAllah so things are good 🙂 just think and decide on what you will do differently starting right away inshaAllah!
Fatima A Khan
hi jst wanted to know how can we contact u privately, id like some advice which i cannot share in this open space and i dnt really want to share my email on here either
thanks