Part 5 (b): Anger Management: Heart Therapy

Read the Table of Contents of Heart Therapy

Read Part 5 (a) : The Causes and Effects of Anger

A person who suffers from extreme anger should cure himself with the following:

1. Allah’s Remembrance, reflecting over Allah and His attributes- The Mighty and Sublime- will develop a fear of Allah and cause him to be mindful of his actions, consolidating in his mind that he is only a slave of Allah whose goal is to seek out Allah’s pleasure and not His wrath.

   and remember your Lord when you forget…

2. Getting acquainted with the virtues of forgiveness, forbearance, endurance and restraining anger within himself. Ibn Abbas (RA) said that a man upon being permitted to meet ‘Umar (RA) said, “O Ibn Al Khattab! by Allah, you do not give us much (from the public treasury) nor do you judge between us with justice,” Upon hearing this, ‘Umar became so angry that he was about to punish the man, but Al Hurr ibn Qays said, ‘O leader of the Faithful, Allah said to His Prophet Muhammad, Hold to forgiveness; command what is right and turn away from the ignorant (8:199), and this (man) is one of the ‘ignorant ones’ Umar took his counsel and restrained his anger. When a person does this, he will know the rewards of suprpessing anger and this will restrain him from taking revenge.
3. Fearing Allah’s punishment: Also, he should realise that Allah’s punishment upon him is greater than what he himself can afflict on anyone. Indeed, the one who takes revenge out of anger should realise that he is liable to Allah’s anger on the Day of Judgment when he will be in dire need of Mercy and Forgiveness.. Such reflections encourage one to forgive and show mercy.
4. Being wary of feeling enmity, revenge, and glee at the misfortune of his disputants and remember that he is no freer from being afflicted by calamities than they are.
5. Reflecting on the outward manifestation of anger and its ‘ugly’ nature as opposed to the calm and serene demeanor of the one who restrains himself in anger, for the state of anger distances one from the furthest from the manners and etiquettes of the Prophet’s and noble scholars.
6. Questioning that which entices his rage to pursue revenge; as if it is a result of fearing humiliation that demeans his standing in front of others, he should ask himself if it is worthy to save his standing with the people while sacrificing his standing with Allah and those who are beloved to Him.
7. Reminding himself of Allah’s decree and his helplessness in front of this, and that Allah’s will is more deserving of being pleased with than his own will.
8. Reflecting on the consequences of giving vent to excessive anger which inevitably results in regret and feeling remorse. Thus it is better that he save himself the embarrassment and shame of having to apologize later.
9. Appreciating that people avoid those with short tempers. If a person does not control his anger he may eventually find himself alone.
10. Seeking refuge in Allah: One should continuously seek refuge in Allah from Satan, the accursed and rejected one.
11. Changing his physical state. This is because Abu Dharr (RA) reported from the Messenger, “When one of you becomes angry while standing he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down.” (Ahmad)
12. Increasing in invocations and supplications to Allah to remove these diseases and vices, for only He alone is able to do so.

Praiseworthy Anger

The Prophet (SAW) had the most perfect manners and the best of characters, and as such we have in him the best of examples, no more so than when it comes to his exercising of moderation with regards to anger and contentment. The Prophet would restrain all forms of ‘personal anger’ and would only get angry if one of the rights of Allah were violated or oppression took place etc, i.e. he would be content and angry from Allah’s sake alone, and this is a positive and praiseworthy type of anger.

It is this praiseworthy anger that allows a person to act on the hadith of the Prophet, ‘Whoever among you sees an evil, let him change it with his tongue, if he is unable to do that, he should change it with his hand and if he cannot even do that, he should change it with his heart and this is the weakest level of faith,’ for if a person did not feel angry over something that is wrong and oppressive he would not be able to acknowledge that thing as an evil, let alone hate it, speak out against it or prevent it from taking place.

Read Part 5 (c): Backbiting